I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
