He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The Olympian is in my bed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
