i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
