finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
