proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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