I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize