why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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