i don't like sucking hair
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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