Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
