This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
