I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
