Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
