just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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