So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
