dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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