I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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