I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
