Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
