where does the pee come out of this thing
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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