Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
