Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
