that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
