Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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