now i know why i became what i already was.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize