Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
