it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Drunk is not a location!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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