The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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