State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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