we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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