I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
