I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize