How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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