My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
