Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
