And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
