Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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