i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
