Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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