I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
