Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
