so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
