glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize