Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
