Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
