They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
