No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
