I showed him my bush... on skype.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
