I faked an abortion last night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Drunk is not a location!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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