My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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