if you like me you must not know who I am
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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