only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
