Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
