Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
