Quick, to the slutcave!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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