I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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