Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
