Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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