i love accidental penises.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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