i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
