On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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