My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
well you can't waste a boner
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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