Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
