I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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