he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
