As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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