Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
