omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
