Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
