Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
