What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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