he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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