Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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